Well…thank fuck it’s over.
Although he has yet to deliver on many of his 2008 campaign promises, I still like President Obama. He’s charismatic, well-spoken, seems to have populist opinions, and isn’t a completely unelectable asshole. I did, however, have a last minute impulse to vote for Gary Johnson, but this ridiculous election system again convinced me that my vote was “too valuable to throw away on a third-party candidate.”
[I mean, how pathetic is it that the Libertarians no longer even pretend like winning is a possibility?!? Riding on the coattails of the YEAR OF THE PERCENTAGE (99%, 1%, 47%…ad nauseum), their campaign posters said, “Just 5% of the vote ends the two-party system.” They tried to convince people that they shouldn’t vote for someone with a snowball’s chance in hell to win the election, but instead vote to add another disparate voice to the ever-increasing cacophony. You know, for NEXT TIME. But I digress.]
In the end, I’m relieved that it was Barack “THE ISLAMIC SHOCK HUSSEIN SUPERALLAH OBAMA” (as I saw one hardworking troll put it yesterday) over Mitt Romney (MITT!, a fucking baseball glove, for fuck’s sake…and Tagg…you honestly can’t make this shit up), simply because the voices of reason have won a temporary reprieve over those who would gladly hand the keys to the republic to one of the same blue-blooded, carpet bagging, Gordon Gekko pieces of shit that got us into this mess…just to get a “nigra” out of the White House. Ugh.
Which conveniently leads me to the core problem…
To quote the legendary philosopher George Carlin:
…think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of ’em are stupider than that.
Never has the divide between the smart and the stupid in our country been more evident. Nearly half the country was duped into voting for an investment banker and notorious, plundering corporate pirate to lead our country…even when it’s readily apparent that putting those kinds of people in charge is EXACTLY WHAT IS CAUSING OUR PROBLEMS.
How do you fix that? Turn Promise Keepers and Tea Party rallies into gas chambers? Attach a sterilization ray to broadcasts of Honey Boo-Boo? Summon Cthulu on the Nebraska/Kansas border and let the ensuing vile pit of hell swallow a nice-sized chunk of Dumbfuckistan? I don’t know. I’d say that making education our country’s number one priority would help, but that would take far too long for the instant gratification junkie in me.
What I do know is that it certainly doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Much of America is fat and stupid by design. Shitty food, shitty education, and the widespread celebration of mediocrity in every available media equals a stupid, fat, lazy, entitled, gullible, stupid, frightened, fat, and reactionary populace. [Also, stupid. And fat.] Most people are too wrapped up in irrelevant bullshit to care about anything but themselves and whatever soundbite or issue-du-jour their news network of choice is pimping.
All I can say is that if you’re one of the people who threatened to leave the country if Obama was reelected: shut your Facebook-proselytizing piehole, pack your shit, and GET THE FUCK OUT. That, or kill every single one of your friends and family that has ever *liked* your not-so-covertly racist opinions, then yourself. Your choice.
The only bright spot is that Obama doesn’t have to worry about campaigning in 2016. I just hope he uses this opportunity to give two giant middle fingers to all of Idiot America and push through all of the things he promised during the first election.
First things first, Mr. President…LEGALIZE EVERYTHING. Then, call Donald Trump a bald, attention whoring, cracker-ass, blowhard cunt to his face. We can talk about the rest at your convenience.